Briefly

Hello and welcome to exciting notes from my life! First and foremost, Swedish Fish rock so hard I can't even tell you. I've been a weentsy bit stressed out and decided I may as well binge as not, so...yeah. Love the Swedish Fish, and Hallelujah for the binge! I think it's been helping; that glazed-over feeling that you get after having eaten your own weight in Ben & Jerry's Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream (which, by the way, is hella cheap at Fred's) is surprisingly like Inner Peace. Or like Inner Peace's ne'er-do-well cousin, Inner Brooding Despair.

So! The stress: consciousness is doing that to me right now. In recognition of that, I had My First Panic Attack on Sunday night. Whoo-hoo! It was a gas, let me tell you...my roommate (yes, the ex) wasn't home, and as it was past eleven at night, I was limited in my choices of people to call while weeping and hysterical. You know how it is. Anyway, I called everyone else on the short list that remained, and after about half an hour, I finally got my cousin. Yay for Christie, who stayed on the phone with me for an hour while I calmed down, until Rob got home and could protect me from the unnamed and completely imaginary Bogeythings that were gonna get me if I let down my guard.

Mmm...lemmesee. I love love love Law and Order: Criminal Intent, despite its being kinda formulaic (you know exactly how Vincent D'Onofrio's character is going to figure out whodunit and then creepily get the truth out of the perp during the last two minutes). However, I am not allowed to watch this after about four pm anymore. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to avoid all the shots of dead bodies and they freak me out for days afterward. Yes, I know they're just actors and very good make-up. It matters not.

Still no Internet access in my apartment. I can use the office computer during business hours, but...le sigh. The office Internet, it is not the same.

Okay. I need to go. Best of love!

Lameness? No, thank you, I brought my own.

I'm trying to have friends. I went out last night to a company function...except that it's a small, non-stuffy company, so we went for drinks, saw Sweeney Todd, and then...yes, went for more drinks. It was fun, only pretty much every time I'm out with people I feel like they must be just waiting for me to finish talking because I sound like such a self-absorbed stooge. The consciousness of my own discomfort would, you might think, be enough to keep my tongue wagging rather minimally, but no. Oh, no, I must talk at length about things that I really had no intention of saying, because people (especially people I like) make me nervous and I can't control the drivel that I emit. So then I have a couple-few sips on my drink to calm down, and at the next pause in conversation, out spews more crap! Now with added tipsy rambling action! It's awesome.

In other news of the retard I am apparently trying to be, do you know what the parents of the nineteen-year-old you're dating don't love? Well, one thing is when they wake up and unexpectedly find you in the spare bed because you came over late and missed the last train home. It's also fun to accidentally take the name of their lord in vain when you are startled while making breakfast of their food in their kitchen. Yes, devout Christians love it when you shout "Jesus!" really loudly. It's like he's there.

I keep doing stupid stuff, stupid and much less considerate than I like to see. I'm trying not to try to make other people happy as much as is my wont, but I don't seem to be going about it the right way. I should take some time off from...I don't know. Human interaction? I wonder if I could just take a little trip for a day, alone with Buddha, and see what peace I can find. Plus I think it's time for some delayed New Year's resolutions. Yes. Coming soon, one Tsipa with firmer policies.